Matthew J. Feiner




Stymied...

Stymied...
... I was a child traumatized by a broken femur and a dog bite to the face before I was five. I was traumatized. It was the 60s they didn’t deal with me at psychologically/emotionally.. I was already undone by the time the relentless teasing began.”Stop slapping yourself!” Pinches on your back on long car rides, making me cry.
“You little girl”, “crybaby crybaby “, “ You ratted me out to mom and dad know you’ll pay… “, “You’re never gonna amount to anything “. On and on you know the banter you know the words. So no I don’t have really great self-esteem because it was beaten out of me at an early age. I’ve barely scraped by. I became the monster you made me for a couple years and I had to move back here from Austin Texas to make apologies to people. People I had wronged , people who I had treated inappropriately.
I’ve done all mine. And I’ve gotten a handful back.
Now I sit here trying to own everything I’ve done trying to believe in everything I’ve become trying to believe the difference I have made.
But there’s a big part of me that just sees it no other way than failure....